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Opening Arguments

Blah, blah, blah

So, I'm quietly reading the paper, and the phone rings.


It's her.

"You owe me an apology," she says right off. "I always wanted to challenge you, but you always throw these statistics out at me, and I never know how to answer them. But you ought to be a man about it and just admit that you were wrong."

"Yes, Dear."

"I mean, you make a living out of arguing with people, so you always know just the right phrase to put someone down, whether or not it has anything to do with the subject at hand. But I have some evidence on my side now , and you ought to at least listen to it."

"Oh, really?"

"It says right here, in this study from the University of Arizona, that women really don't talk more than men. The researchers placed microphones on 396 college students for periods ranging from two to 10 days, sampled their conversations and calculated how many words they used in the course of a day. The score: Women, 16,215. Men, 15,669. The difference of 546 words: as not  deemed to be statistically significant."


"I mean, all that nonsense you've been spouting about how women use an average of 20,000 words a day compared with 7,000 for men. Those figures have been used in books and magazines for years, but there just isn't any research to support them. But I let you intimidate me into believing it, even though I should have noticed it in my own life if it were true."


"I think this whole myth got started because of what men and women like to talk about. Women like to explore their feelings, and when they try to approach men about that, they get all reticent. Men do like to talk, in fact they talk all the time. It's just that they have a different frame of reference."

"Well, help me."

"Just start talking, then, and we'll take it from there."

"Fine. Have you seen 'Live Free or Die Hard,' the fourth in the franchise? Awesome! I kicked Johnson's butt at work today. I noticed your car was making a funny sound yesterday -- I can probably fix it for you. I wonder if my penis is the right size. Oh, hey, I bet I forgot to tell you about the time that my brother and I set off these firecrackers on Halloween night. How about the Cubs, think they can finally do it this year? Ooh, turn to Channel 7, look at the set on that gal! Say, the last time we had lunch, why didn't you offer me any of your fries?"

"I have to go now."

Posted in: All about me


Bob G.
Fri, 07/06/2007 - 10:55am

Makes you just embrace monosyllabic expressions, doesn't it?

(probably explains why Mr. Neanderthal died out too)