Do your part

You probably think the world should be made safe for children. Sill you -- the world should be made safe from children:

HAVING large families should be frowned upon as an environmental misdemeanour in the same way as frequent long-haul flights, driving a big car and failing to reuse plastic bags, says a report to be published today by a green think tank.

The paper by the Optimum Population Trust will say that if couples had two children instead of three they could cut their family's carbon dioxide output by the equivalent of 620 return flights a year between London and New York.

There is a simple solution: Outlaw sex, which makes people breathe much harder, which means they exhale much more carbon dioxide, which increases the level of you-know-what -- thus guaranteeing that Mother Earth will be all healed in just a few generations.

Relax, just kidding. Lie down and take small, shallow breaths.