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Tailing the Komets

Here's something fun

This is a story I wrote more than 10 years ago when there were 40 more m

Posted in: Komets


Blake Sebring
Wed, 02/23/2011 - 3:16pm

With Komets flying overhead, Generals and Admirals dressed like RiverKings ride their Thoroughblades and Mustangs to lead their Knights. Like an Express they ride through the Storm of Cyclones, Flames, Smoke and Thunder to battle the opposing Force.

``Cross the Rivermen,'' the Chiefs yelled, ``and watch out for Tiger Sharks, Lockmonsters, Channel Cats, Sea Wolves or even ferocious River Otters. And don't slip on the Icemen.''

After crossing with Pride, they hear the Grrrowl of either Sabercats, Grizzlies, Wolves or a Pack of Solar Bears. Crunch go their Moccasins across the Ice as they prepare to swing their Blades with Fury. Wary they are of Pirates, Bandits and Prowlers. They fear not the Scarecrows, Wizards, Mysticks or Phantoms.

They rush like a Stampede of Brahmas. Their goal is to reach freedom, yell, ``Whoopee!'' and celebrate like Gold Kings wearing multicolored Blazers with Brass buttons. They want to let their joyous shouts fly through the air like Gulls, Falcons, Condors or Mallards (which are sometimes known as Mighty Ducks).

Alas, Outlaws, River Rats and Renegades chase them. As they flee with all Speed, they are bitten by Cottonmouths, Vipers, StingRays, Rattlers and Scorpions. Their bodies are eaten by T-Rex, Buzzards, Griffins, Panthers and even a nasty Iguana with an attitude.

One way it's obvious to tell there are way too many minor league hockey teams is by the nicknames.

Don't believe it?

Then see if you can tell which leagues the IceHawks, IceHogs, IceCats, IceGators, IcePilots, IceDogs, IceBats, IceRays or IcePirates play in.

Or how about the Rivermen, River Otters, River Rats, River Kings or Riverblades?

Who let the Ice- or Bulldogs out, and were they chasing the Border-, Ice-, Saber-, Glacier- or Channel Cats?

And there are also way too many singular nicknames like Crunch, Force, Whoopee, Moose, Wolf Pack, Lynx, Grrrowl, Brass, Pride, Express, Storm, Stampede, T-Rex, Speed, Fury and Smoke.

Not to mention next year when we'll also have Xtreme and Xpress. Ugh! We demand an Xplanation for this travesty of spelling!

Granted, every new owner is trying to be unique and flashy, but it can't always be done.

Wed, 02/23/2011 - 5:03pm

I have a IceDogs jersey=Sean Penn :)

Thu, 02/24/2011 - 10:13am

Great article. Just one question, though. Why did you use so many words? Gosh! It was like reading a book!

Fri, 02/25/2011 - 3:10pm

What, no dragons? http://www.hockeydb.com/ihdb/logos/logos.php?s=2009&t=5053&sf=

He-he. Awesome Blake. For a minute there, you made hockey sound even cooler, at least to me. You know I love that fantasy crap. ;)