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Opening Arguments

The lowdown

From The Onion: "Dept. Of Labor Reports It Could Be Nothing, But They May Have Spotted Job In Iowa Strip Mall"

"Now, this could be something, or it could be absolutely nothing, but we think they're looking for someone to restock the jewelry kiosk Monday, Wednesday, and Friday evenings, with the chance to add Sunday mornings further down the line," said Labor Secretary Hilda Solis, explaining that the person who currently holds the part-time position had been overheard asking about her employer's maternity leave policies.

Plus, "Obama begs U.S. not to embarrass him in front of French"

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