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Opening Arguments


"OK, Natasha, here is plan. First, you hide all acorns..."

"...ALL acorns, Boris?"

"Yes, Natasha, ALL acorns. Then squirrel will come out in open to look for food in cornfields and garbage cans, and we grab him. Then, moose will come looking for squirrel, and we grab HIM, too. Then we ship moose and squirrel to Pottsylvania, and Fearless Leader will give us big bonus."

Well, it could have happened that way. At least it's a more colorful explanation for the lack of acorns this year that the one given by a so-called scientist. 

Biologists say acorn production is cyclical, but they also point to various weather factors, including a late freeze in 2007 that likely interrupted red oak acorn development. High winds in September also may have dislodged loads of acorns from more prevalent white oaks before squirrels would have found them edible. And a dry summer have hindered acorn production.

"I don't think there's any one thing we can point to as the smoking gun," said Scott Haulton, a state Department of Natural Resources forestry expert. "It could be a perfect storm."

"With nature, we like to categorize things -- people like to understand complex things," Haulton said. "But nature throws us curveballs.

Cycles, smycles. Did you get that part about "nature throwing us curveballs" despite the fact that people look for simple answers to "complex things"? That's sounds like an excuse to just stand back and do absolutely nothing, doesn't it? The fact is that Indiana isn't the only place facing an acute acorn shortage. What if this is just the first hint of a nationwide shortage that lasts for years? What if it's worldwide? Where are the sounds of alarm from the agriculture secretary? Where is the federal acorn recovery plan? Aren't there at least plans to cultivate alternative nuts such as hickory and walnut

Posted in: Hoosier lore, Science


Bob G.
Mon, 01/05/2009 - 11:52am

Geez, Leo...
Don't make the acorn situation any worse...it's BADANOV!
(you may now groan)

Yeah, I watched that too...lol!

Maybe Gen. Tony McAuliffe had it right ALL those years ago, back in the Ardennes?


Leo Morris
Mon, 01/05/2009 - 4:14pm

Only Jan. 5, and already you have a contender for best/worst pun of the year. Just to keep the competition honest, though: I don't know if that's really an atomic bomb or not, but Armageddon the hell out of here.

tim zank
Mon, 01/05/2009 - 9:03pm