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Opening Arguments

Help, help, my date is boring!

Technology just keeps making our lives better and better. Now, there's a free downloadable Bad Date Rescue app:

The app works by dialing your cellphone to inform you of a make-believe emergency.” (There is also a quick rescue that can be triggered on the spot to ring within a few seconds or minutes.) The purported caller is a person in your address book whose picture will also appear on the screen if it is stored in your phone’s memory.

Scripts are available providing the reason for the call. Examples include a neighbor informing you of a leak in your apartment or a close friend who has locked himself out of his home and needs your spare key. The app can be pre-set to call at a specific time.

The app could be a godsend, though one can also easily imagine unforeseen pitfalls. An example would be the friend who supposedly just called you to post bail for him walking into the same bar or restaurant, unaware of your date itinerary. But look on the bright side. After a number of embarrassing false starts, you should have enough material for your own sitcom.

God, remember the Dark Ages when we had to have a friend call us in the middle of a date with a pretend emergency? This was not only hideously complicated, it also had the disadvantage of making someone else complicit in our sin. There was also the problem that not all friends are reliable; you might be stuck in the most gruesome first date in the history of the world and instead of calling to rescue you, Good buddy Joe got all caught up in "Partridge Family" reruns and forgot.

I know this will shock you children, but do you realize that once upon a time, we weren't even able to get our date-rescue calls at the table? We had to acutally get up walk all the way over to a phone on the wall that was -- please believe me, I wouldn't kid about a thing like this -- attached to the building and could not be moved!

I wonder if there's a self-fulfilling-prophecy thing here. You worry about a bad date, so you set up the rescue call, which makes you unable to concentrate on just interacting with the other person, so you end up creating the bad date. Then just go home and watch your "Partridge Family" reruns, you unworthy jerk.

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