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Opening Arguments

Stupid cheaters

The Ashley Madison hack demonstrates what we have always suspected: This is a nation of losers and dolts, idiots, dummies and dodo birds.

I speak, of course, of the Ashley Madison scandal, a hack that revealed the names of a jaw-dropping, knee-weakening 32 million would-be philanderers, many of whom were stupid enough to use work emails for the purposes of philandering. (The site, brought to us by some clever Canadians, allows married people to find dates who know from the beginning that nothing serious is intended.)

The revelations have the nation in a lather, and not the sexy, let’s-do-it-in-the-shower kind. (If you want a laugh, Google “Ashley Madison hack.” Note that the news stories about the hack itself are followed by links for “how to check if you were exposed.”)

The hackers who released the names said they did it, in part, to highlight the site’s failure to keep its promise of privacy. But what it’s really revealed isn’t Ashley Madison’s shortcomings so much as those of our friends, our neighbors and our government officials — who, unlike our friends and neighbors, are paid by you and me. How, I ask you, can a country be great when its government workers aren’t smart enough to scurry over to the anonymous embrace of Hotmail and Yahoo when they want to cheat?

That's the first thing that occurred to me, too. With all the sophisticated ways people can cheat today without detection, what morons are dumb enough to do it on a website while using their own names? Well, 32 million of them, I guess, a large number of them apparently working for the government.