Assault with a

Breaking up is hard to do, Muncie version:

A Muncie man spread his own feces across his girlfriend's apartment and then headbutted the woman in the face, breaking her nose, according to police reports.

Brett Bryan McDonald Sr., 45, 2213 E. Memorial Drive, Apt. 24, faces preliminary charges of burglary, domestic battery, theft and criminal mischief.

It is said that whenever a relationship goes bad, each party is partly to blame. But we should probably give the woman in this case a pass. The story notes that McDonald has been booked into the Delaware County Jail 20 times. According to court records, he was convicted last year of battery and battery by bodily waste "and had earlier convictions for driving while intoxicated, driving while suspended, criminal mischief, possession of marijuana, driving as a habitual traffic violator and disorderly conduct."

What is it with Muncie and bodily products? The same roundup reports on the case of Karlos David Miller, who bragged to Ball State Police pffocer Brandon Qualls that he was going to beat his posterior, "although he didn't use that word."

But given that Qualls had already handcuffed the 22-year-old Muncie man, the domestic battery suspect resorted to just hocking loogies at the officer to no avail.

My life is now complete. I have seen "hocking loogies" in a newspaper story. Miller faces charges of, among other things, "battery by bodily fluids." I don't know if that is more or less serious than "battery by bodily waste," but either one probably isn't something you want to have to explain to your cellmates.