Bottoms up

I knew sooner or later the rest of the country would catch up with me:

For one thing, wine consumption in this country has nearly doubled in the last decade, while beer sales have been pretty much stagnant, growing less than 1 percent since 2000. Even more galling, in 2005 a Gallup poll revealed that, for the first time ever, Americans preferred wine to beer. This was an astonishing development, akin to Americans jilting baseball for bocce.

Henceforth, drunks will be known as beer bums instead of winos. You keep the pretzels. I'll have a pear and some cheddar with my room-temperature cabernet.