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Ah, Chicago. A suburban man arrested for choking his wife was given the customary one phone call from jail:

Janusz Owca used it to call his wife -- and threaten to kill her, Cook County sheriff's police said.

The 32-year-old Maine Township man is facing charges of aggravated domestic battery and felony intimidation.

But we have a tie for first place this week for the "being stupid in front of cops" contest. The other criminal geniuses of the week jail from Portland, Ore.

A store full of police officers didn't deter two men from stealing items from a southeast Portland Fred Meyer, officers said.

Portland police said 20-year-old Shane Alexander and 30-year-old Jason Vantress took shoes, clothes, tools and blenders from the Johnson Creek Fred Meyer Store on Southeast 82nd Avenue on Wednesday morning during the seventh annual Shop with a Cop event.

Dozens of police cars and mounted patrol units were in the parking lot the morning of the incident.