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Opening Arguments

The Acme fowl repeller

Ducks and geese 1, people 0:

Phony coyotes set up to discourage ducks and geese from gobbling up seeds and fresh shoots from wetlands plants didn't fool the fowl, but humans were another matter.

Hammond Port Authority Director Milan Kruszynski said his office has fielded several calls from passing motorists who mistook the two-dimensional cutouts on islands in Wolf Lake for dogs.

"We've been getting calls from neighbors and people driving by, 'There's a dog trapped on the island!"' Kruszynski said.

Kruszynski said he has also been contacted by People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals and a city official who was taken out by boat to inspect the decoys. He didn't identify the official.

The state has been having trouble with people trapping live coyotes and selling them in other states, where they are used to train dogs in ways that end in gruesome death. There is an obvious solution here, since coyote hunters are almost certainly not smarter than the average motorist, PETA representative or city official who shall remain nameless.

Posted in: Hoosier lore