I envy this young man for knowing what he wants so early in life:
INDIANAPOLIS (WISH) - A 3-year-old boy is back at home after he was found wandering in a strip club parking lot.
[. . .]
Police say it appears the family was asleep but the child woke up, unlocked the doors and went outside. Investigators say the family lives across from the club and did in fact have the doors locked.
All I lived near when I was growing up were railroad tracks, a creek and a coal mine. I couldn't have wandered outside without turning myself into a tragic country song.
Well, maybe that's where this kid is headed, too. "Well, your honor, I have this addiction that started when I was 3."