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News-Sentinel.com Your Town. Your Voice.
Opening Arguments

Cheese it!

mickey.jpgFirst it was that woman who spilled the criminally hot coffee on herself. Now there is this. McDonald's is apparently out to kill us all:

MORGANTOWN - A Monongalia County man is seeking $10 million from McDonald's after an employee put cheese on his sandwich.

Jeromy Jackson, his mother Trela Jackson and his friend Andrew Ellifritz filed a suit July 18 in Monongalia Circuit Court against the popular fast-food chain because Jeromy Jackson is allergic to cheese.

According to the suit, Jackson, his mother and friend went to the drive-thru at the McDonald's on Chaplin Road in Morgantown on Oct. 30, 2005. Jackson claims he ordered two "Quarter Pounders" without cheese, stating he was allergic to cheese.

"From this point forward, Mr. Jackson repeatedly asked as to the status of his food and whether it had no cheese, and took multiple preventive steps to assure his food did not contain cheese," the suit says.

The suit says Jackson received his food, bit into one of his sandwiches and immediately began to have a severe allergic reaction. He was rushed to United Hospital Center in Clarksburg.

"Mr. Jackson was only moments from death and/or seriously debilitation injury when hospital staff intervened," the suit says.

I had not realized there was a knowledge gap of this magnitude, and I see one of my jobs as helping you face life with the information you need. So, if you have a life-threatening allergy to cheese, let me take you through the steps you need to take if you encounter a sandwich: 

1. Grasp sandwich in one hand.

2. With the other hand, remove the top bun or slice of bread.

3. Inspect sandwich for cheese.

4. Remove any cheese that might be present.

Of course, that's just how it works in Indiana. Conditions may vary in West Virginia.


Bob G.
Fri, 08/10/2007 - 11:33am

Damn fine 4-step instruction list.
(no rube-goldberging here)

hey, maybe they could PRINT those on the wrappers of the sandwiches...what a NOVEL idea.

You're onto something here, Leo!



Neely O'Hara
Fri, 08/10/2007 - 8:43pm

Bob G: Better print 'em in Spanish, too, or a non-English speaker will sue you for discrimination when they mistakenly eat the killer cheese....

Bob G.
Sun, 08/12/2007 - 5:47pm

An even BETTER idea, Neely...!

And with 50 ethnicities in Ft. Wayne, that could be "fun".
(every language a different color)

How festive!