Rush on down to Crazy Uncle Sam's Car Lot, where the rides are always fine, and the deals are always hot! No money for a down payment? No problem? Trouble getting financing? Not here, friend! We offer six months' same as cash, we'll eat the first three payments, and the first 500 customers will get free car washes for a year! How can Uncle Sam do that, you ask? Because he's craaaaaazy! And if you don't take advantage of these sweet deals, you're even craaaazier!!
"If you buy a car from Chrysler or General Motors, you will be able to get your car serviced and repaired, just like always," the president promised yesterday morning from the executive mansion.
And that's not all, folks! "Your warranty will be safe," the salesman in chief went on. "In fact, it will be safer than it's ever been, because starting today, the United States government will stand behind your warranty."
[. . .]
The president had promised car buyers everything but rich Corinthian leather seats -- and reporters leaving the Grand Foyer got in the spirit of the day. "Zero money down!" proposed one. "Will he throw in a few oil changes?" wondered another.
NBC's Chuck Todd, during White House press secretary Robert Gibbs's afternoon briefing, observed that "the president stood up there almost like an advertisement."
Gibbs responded by supplementing the president's pitch. "No person that goes out today to buy a Jeep -- which I love to drive, I used to have a Jeep -- if somebody wants to go buy a Jeep, they should not hesitate to do so, because that warranty will be insured. . . . If somebody wants to go buy, as the president said, the Motor Trend Car of the Year, they can go do that."
If they start bringing in circus elephants and pushing used cars -- but, nah, that would be silly.