The big-city Chicago Tribune does a tough, fearless crime story:
A Skokie man told police a woman with a shopping cart stole more than 100 peaches from a tree in his backyard.
[. . .]
The neighbor said the woman left after he yelled at her.
"Hey! When I said stay off the lawn, I was including the tree! If you want my peaches . . ." When I open up Indiana newspapers, what do I see? The same old boring murders, child molestations and cops driving drunk.