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Opening Arguments

Criminal geniuses of the week

Omigod, it's the cops! Where'll I hide? I know, the closet:

According to Indiana State Trooper Kyle Dukes, the person responsible for the break-ins entered the homes by kicking in doors and breaking out windows. The suspect then made himself at home, living in the residences for days. During this time, the suspect ate food, drank beer, and wore the homeowner's clothes. The burglar also made off with such items as electronics, tools and televisions.

The burglar left more than a mess at one home. Police discovered his wallet in the pocket of the victim's coveralls.

The wallet contained Kupczynski's identification.

[. . .]

The homeowner was contacted in Chicago, and troopers were given permission to enter the home. Inside they found a home that was ransacked, a stack of electronics near the front door, and the owner of the wallet, Kupczynski, hiding in a closet.

No, no, that's the first place they'll look. I know, in the dumpster!

 Police officers say they found a bank robbery suspect hiding in a trash bin behind a northwestern Indiana grocery store.

Crown Point police say the man was burned by an exploding dye pack following the robbery at a TCF Bank branch inside the grocery store Monday afternoon.



Bob G.
Thu, 01/29/2009 - 10:10am

They must be perps from MY neighborhood....LOL!
(the ones I DID manage to chase away)

If I was one of those residents, and knew I'd be "away" for a time, I'd make sure ALL the food was tainted...just in case.

"Sure officer, just be on the lookout for the guy that can't stop pukin' and crappin'...he'll be the one 'ya want".

As to the dumpster-diver?
...an appropriate place, given the person...TRASH!
(comes in ALL "flavors", btw)


Steven T.
Thu, 01/29/2009 - 11:21pm

I like the trick of tainted food, but of course in general the law is biased toward the safety of the criminal, by criminalizing the use of "booby traps." If stale junk food is ever ruled a booby trap, the upstanding, pillaged, innocent victim becomes legal toast, a criminal on technicality.

The interred Founders spin.

Steven T.
Thu, 01/29/2009 - 11:27pm


Pity Santa Claus, encountering stagnant cookies and milk of a Christmas dawn.