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Opening Arguments

Down for the (head)count

The best euphemism for "fired" ever:

And while certainly nothing new, the art of dodging plain English when it comes to describing mass firings continues to advance, so to speak, as the ongoing economic crisis piles mass firings one on top of another. For example, here's a headline on a press release forwarded to me this morning: "Nokia Siemens Networks enters final stage of synergy-related headcount restructuring."

"Hi, honey, I'm afraid I have bad news: I've been synergy-related headcount restructured."

I love all those news releases about people who have left companies "to pursue other options," which means the person has been let go and everybody has agreed not to talk about it. I've been "involuntarily separated" and "re-engineered" and "freed up for the future," and it all felt about the same. But being headcount restructured sounds downright painful.

Posted in: Current Affairs


Bob G.
Thu, 11/13/2008 - 10:31am

...And we all know that George Carlin is smiling somewhere.
(he told 'ya so)


Robert Enders
Sat, 11/15/2008 - 3:53am

You know how the military has different levels of discharge? The private sector could use something like that. "I hereby present you with the Pink Slip with Oak Leaf Clusters."