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Opening Arguments

Fit to be tried

Men, still feeling inadequate after all these years. Acording to a new study, we are twice as likely to remove a condom halfway through sex if the fit isn't snug, which raises the risk of STDs and pregnancies:

While the standard latex condom is made to fit most men, many different sizes and shapes exist to account for the variations in male members. The problem, say researchers, is that most men don't know this variety exists. Additionally, men will often not buy condoms sized "small" or even "medium," they said.

Reminds me of the first joke I ever heard about condoms in high school. The Soviets, seeking to score a propaganda victory, ordered 50,000 condoms, 11 inches long, from an American company. Company officials knew what the Soviets were up to and finally came up with a solution. They shipped the 50,000 condoms, 11 inches as ordered, in boxes labeled "medium."

Oh, and I think I have a solution for this reluctance to buy small or medium condoms. Why don't we just change the size names to tall, grande and venti? Who could be embarrassed about buying a tall or grande condom?

Posted in: Current Affairs


Tue, 02/16/2010 - 1:29pm

I recently read (who knows where?) that in Japan, where the men apparently are much more secure, condoms are sold in boxes plainly marked small, medium or large.
American condoms come in those sizes too, but we don't call them that for obvious reasons. The smalls are advertised as "tapered," and the larges come with impressive manly names such as "magnum." The mediums are the ones without any size label.
Why can't we be as sensible as women, with their B, C and D cup bras? Easy enough to understand.

Michael B-P
Tue, 02/16/2010 - 9:50pm

I should think that an electrostatically induced localized force field conducted via a spray-on nano-mesh netting would obviate the need for latex (or other similarly gross materials) altogether. Sphincter-receptacled optional battery pack sold separately. Ground your partner and she'll forget about finding the "G-spot."

Bob G.
Wed, 02/17/2010 - 9:58am

How about condom-suspenders or garters...?
We could always try carbon-fiber nanotubes.
(marvelously expensive, too)