Issues

It's only Feb. 2, and already I've heard two candidates for euphemism of the year on the news. The first comes in conection with the story about the California octuplets -- "selective reduction." Isn't that a nice, clean term? Instead of planting just one embryo -- which really makes carrying the baby to term an iffy proposition, and who wants to be so old-fashioned as to just to deal with one baby a time -- plant multiple embryos. Then, when you see which one or two is/are doing the best, just, you know, reduce the rest to nothing. No muss, no fuss.

But I think "fallen evangelical pastor" (I think that's his official title now) Ted Haggard has that one beat. After denying he strayed off the straight path, he's now admitting he had a second relationship with a man (it was while the two were in bed! he told Larry King), but that doesn't mean he's gay -- he's "heterosexual with issues."

Asked whether he considers himself bisexual or gay, Haggard said that different therapists have described him in different ways. "The first said, 'You are a heterosexual with homosexual attachments.' I wasn't sure what that meant."

His current therapist, he said, described him as "a heterosexual with complications."

I love that -- it has so many potential applications in our lives. I'm not cheating on my spouse -- I am monogamous with issues. I am not a drunk -- I'm clean and sober with issues. I'm a devout Christian with issues, not an atheist.