It's only Feb. 2, and already I've heard two candidates for euphemism of the year on the news. The first comes in conection with the story about the California octuplets -- "selective reduction." Isn't that a nice, clean term? Instead of planting just one embryo -- which really makes carrying the baby to term an iffy proposition, and who wants to be so old-fashioned as to just to deal with one baby a time -- plant multiple embryos. Then, when you see which one or two is/are doing the best, just, you know, reduce the rest to nothing. No muss, no fuss.
But I think "fallen evangelical pastor" (I think that's his official title now) Ted Haggard has that one beat. After denying he strayed off the straight path, he's now admitting he had a second relationship with a man (it was while the two were in bed! he told Larry King), but that doesn't mean he's gay -- he's "heterosexual with issues."
Asked whether he considers himself bisexual or gay, Haggard said that different therapists have described him in different ways. "The first said, 'You are a heterosexual with homosexual attachments.' I wasn't sure what that meant."
His current therapist, he said, described him as "a heterosexual with complications."
I love that -- it has so many potential applications in our lives. I'm not cheating on my spouse -- I am monogamous with issues. I am not a drunk -- I'm clean and sober with issues. I'm a devout Christian with issues, not an atheist.