John Roberts' America

Welcome to the Roberts Court, America. This is, of course, good news for the new chief justice's Hoosier friends. Not that every Hoosier is his friend. Now we go on to the fight over the next court pick, which we all know won't be as ferocious as it could be if President Bush heeds the advice of people such as Hillary Clinton who have his best interests at heart. As a middle-class, middle-aged, right-of-center, military-veteran, white male, I naturally hope the president will choose someone who will return blacks to the back of the bus, make women get abortions in back alleys, put senior citizens out into the streets, serve our poorest kids gruel in their crack-infested and crumbling schools, cut down every last tree, help greedy corporations squeeze every last dime from every last welfare cheater and gather up all the kittens that can be found and stuff them into sacks to be thrown into Lake Ponchetrain so they can spill over the dikes and knock off a few more Commie Democrats. But I don't expect to get everything I want. It's a cruel world.