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Opening Arguments

Lovers' rendezvous

Remember how they always used to say on Sienfeld, "Not that there's anything wrong with that"? Here's a story that inspires the reverse of that: "We certainly can't condone this or any other crime, but, boy, did that guy get what he deserved or what?"

 A married man who planned to rendezvous with one of his handful of lovers at an eastern Wisconsin motel instead found himself bound, blindfolded and assaulted by a group of women out for revenge, according to court documents.

Four women, including his wife, eventually showed up to humiliate the man, who ended up with his penis glued to his stomach in a bizarre plot to punish him for a lover's quadrangle gone bad, according to the documents filed in Calumet County.

[. . .]

Ziemann told investigators she met the man online through Craigslist, fell in love and paid for his use of a room at the motel for the past two months. She said she gave him about $3,000. Then last Wednesday, she learned from the man's wife that he was married, had other girlfriends and was "using them for money." She expected the money to be repaid, according to the documents.

In a bizarre application of sensitivity journalism surely not envisioned by victims' advocates, the AP is naming only three of the alleged attackers: "The Associated Press is not naming the man's wife to protect his identity as an alleged victim of sexual assault." Such discretion can be pointless these days, when there so many other outlets willing to helpfully point out that the scoundrel's name is Donessa Davis. And some stories point out that it was a romantic triangle, not a quadrangle, since the sister of one of the man's lovers merely acted as a lookout and never dallied with Donessa. A Kansas City Star blog links to the probable-cause statement, which is, to say the least, entertaining reading.


Kevin Knuth
Tue, 08/04/2009 - 10:34am

This is the funniest thing I have read in a loooooong time!