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Opening Arguments

Monkey business

The way things have been going lately, we should be grateful the court got this one right:

He's now got a human name — Matthew Hiasl Pan — but he's having trouble getting his day in court. Animal rights activists campaigning to get Pan, a 26-year-old chimpanzee, legally declared a person vowed to take their challenge to Austria's Supreme Court after a lower court threw out their latest appeal.

A provincial judge in the city of Wiener Neustadt dismissed the case earlier this week, ruling that the Vienna-based Association Against Animal Factories had no legal standing to argue on the chimp's behalf.

The association, which worries the shelter caring for the chimp might close, has been pressing to get Pan declared a "person" so a guardian can be appointed to look out for his interests and provide him with a home.

If the case were moved here, the chimp might get a different ruling. And that would, of course, set a precdent, qualifying all future chimps to get $5,000 at birth. Then they can all run for Congress.


Bob G.
Tue, 10/02/2007 - 8:14am

Not gonna touch that LAST paragraph with a TEN-FOOT pole!