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News-Sentinel.com Your Town. Your Voice.
Opening Arguments

Mr. Spackler goes to Washington

Heh, heh, heh. Look at that squirrel. He blowed up real good:

The squirrels at Finch Arboretum are becoming such a problem that they have called in for reinforcements.  The city of Spokane has authorized the "Rodenator" to come and take care of the problem, in what is turning out to not only be a hot topic in the city, but a questionable one when it comes to animal rights.

The Rodenator Pro is advertised as something that can assist landowners with the removal of just about any underground burrowing pest, and the ground squirrels of Spokane, Washington are going to be the next target.  By delivering a mixture of propane and oxygen into the tunnel or burrow of the underground animal, the squirrels are more or less going to be blown up.

Gotta get me one of them Rodentator Pros! But I think I'll wait till Billy Mays sells it so I can get a SECOND one FREE and have the third payment TAKEN CARE OF if I ACT RIGHT THIS SECOND!!!

Posted in: Current Affairs


Michael B-P
Wed, 04/15/2009 - 12:40pm

Actually, there may be a more ethically neutral and economically stimulating way to engineer rodent population control through rapid uncontrolled disassembly of squirrels. I recently observed that one particularly gluttonous and cheeky squirrel, within 30 days of ingesting nearly an entire factory-manufactured and therefore highly symmetrical compressed unit of processed squirrel food designed to highly resemble a corn ear (undoubtedly comprised of genetetically modified rodent food material), swaggered into a nearby ground-mounted power transformer and, possibly by now suffering from a GM-food-induced psychopathic delusion of invincibillity, proceeded to gnaw into live insulated wire and blow himself to squirrel hell. Maybe by embarking on a targeted distribution of this type of food material and putting the means for self-destruction within their reach (say, a set of very small Japanse cooking knives or a miniaturized fleet of Segway PUMAs) the squirrels can be brainwashed into voluntarily doing themselves in and thus both reduce the infestation and mollify the animal rights activists of Spokane.

tim zank
Wed, 04/15/2009 - 2:13pm

Michael B-P...you are on a roll today! That's priceless!!