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Opening Arguments

Pie in the sky

The state beverage of Albama is Conecuh Ridge Alabama Fine Whiskey. Nice! It's milk in Arkansas and Delaware and a lot of other states. Boring but defensible. It's orange juice in Florida, naturally. It's tomato juice in Ohio, tea in South Carolina and Kool-Aid in Nebraska.

And the official state beverage of Indiana . . . the only state courageous enough to name something native to all 50 states is . . . wait for it . . . here it comes . . .water!

This little embarrassment might have gone unnoticed a while longer, except that some lamebrain has introduced a measure to make Wick's cream pie the official state pie, which brings the critics out of the woodwork:

That's why the breaded pork tenderloin needs to be our state sandwich, and onion rings our state vegetable. But while we're at it, we should line up Indiana's other state foods, too.

State fruit? Chocolate-covered cherries.

No, wait. Raisinettes.

State pickle? Fried dill slices.

Alternate state pickle? Fried dill spears.

State cabbage-based creamy quasi-appetizer served in a small bowl that must be eaten with a fork unless you're by yourself, when it's permissible to use your fingers if you don't mind getting it all over you? Cole slaw.

But water? That's just plain tough to swallow.

Getting a little off subject there. I think Indiana needs a state pie, but a cream pie? How about humble pie? I agree about the breaded pork tenderloin -- awesome sandwich, and no other state gets it right.

Let's have a little fun in the General Assembly -- it's not like they have anything important to do.