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Opening Arguments

Soccer doesn't score

Boy, who would have guessed? If you want to win the game, you must try to score more points:

"We would always like to score more goals and we're going to need them for the Ghana game," US forward Brian McBride said. "We need to be smart, pick our chances to go forward. When the opportunity comes we have to go for it.

"It takes the opportunity, the right mindset, sometimes a bit of luck and how you strike the ball."

For at least 20 years now, I have been hearing that soccer is "really going to take off here" because, even though adults don't care much about it, our kids are crazy about it, and next year, or the year  after, at the latest, they're going to teach us to love it the way the rest of the world does. Uh-huh. And we're going metric any day now. Here's why soccer is stupid: A game seems to last half a day, two or three players die and 20 go to the hospital, and, when it's all over, the score is 2-1, on a really good offensive day. No wonder the fans riot.

Posted in: Sports


Wed, 06/21/2006 - 5:24am

Oh, I think soccer is at least as good a spectator sport as golf or auto racing. (Talk about damning with faint praise.) Fun to play though.

Leo Morris
Wed, 06/21/2006 - 5:36am

Sort of the way I feel about bowling -- fun to play but like watching paint dry when it's on TV. "Hey, Ange, let's go down to Wally's gas station and get a bottle of pop, then go the post office and watch 'em lick stamps!"

Bob G.
Wed, 06/21/2006 - 6:37am

Soccer taking off???

Metric any day now???

How about downtown revitzalization (that won't cost the taxpayers a dime) by NEXT WEEK???

Or maybe a Southside renaissance where people WON'T be hooking on street corners or dealing crack to kids??

Perhaps a road maintenance program that employs the PRISON populations???

Or a BMV that gets you through ANY line there in under 30 minutes, or YOUR cost is FREE???

But I digress....

Soccer is OK, except for the (good) points offered by Leo, which I agree with. But does anyone recall a "real" game, taken fron the yellowed pages of the old MAD comic magazine...
I'm talking about 43 man SQUAMISH!
(google this and get a load of laughs)

Seriously, golf is fine (as long as I'm watching Natalie Gulbis, Cristie Kerr, or Grace Park!
Bowling....well, at least the ball comes BACK to you (unlike golf).

But soccer?? I don't know....to me it's *up there* with Jai Alai and Curling.
Now if they want to make soccer more "interesting"....have the field appear like most of our city streets...littered with broken bottles, cans and food wrappers. THAT...I might watch.



Wed, 06/21/2006 - 8:35am

There are certain things I WANT to like - even that I feel somehow OBLIGATED to like - but try as I do, I simply cannot like them. Soccer is one of those things (other than 5-year-old-kid soccer, which is a whole different game). (The others, just to be complete, are hockey, modern dance, and drinking Scotch.)

Leo Morris
Wed, 06/21/2006 - 8:55am

Opera, ballet, Bob Hope movies, "Moby Dick," NASCAR, tennis, drinking scotch . . .I'm afraid my list could get quite long.

Wed, 06/21/2006 - 9:32am

Yeah, I forgot about NASCAR.

Mike Harvey
Mon, 06/26/2006 - 5:46am

Some of it is entertaining. When it's low scoring because of good defense it's funner to watch, but if it's low scoring because both sides are conservative, then watching paint dry almost becomes a more entertaining option.

The women's game is better... as there's less flopping. Hauling away some guy writhing in "pain" just so he can hop right off the stretcher on the sideline is pretty unattractive.