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News-Sentinel.com Your Town. Your Voice.
Opening Arguments

Turn off that car, officer!

Franklin College junior Kailee Fouch is a good little green, just like she was programmed to be in school. So when she took time off from her Brown County Democrat internship duties, she and a friend went only reluctantly to "the corruption known as Wal-Mart," feeling a little guilty because of how much that sinful enterprise contributes to Indiana's awful carbon footprint (49th-worst in the nation! better than only West Virginia!). Naturally, she was simply outraged for Mother Earth, when, on the way into the store, she spied a police car unattended and running! And when she came back out  in 45 minutes (guess she doesn't hate Wal-Mart that much), it was still running. Well, that was just more than she could take:

I handed my bag off to my roommate, who knew what I was about to do. Despite her protests, I headed back to ask the officer to turn off his car.

I politely asked, and he politely informed me why it was still running. I threw in some facts about the damage done to the environment due to idling cars, and he obliged to turn off the ignition.

I forgot to mention that sometimes I exaggerate so when I said I almost went to jail, well, that was an exaggeration. Though, I really thought it was a possibility at the time.

I'm not afraid to do it again, even though I haven't.

You've heard of citizen's arrest -- call this a citizen's harangue. How come I never get lectured by pretty college juniors about my carbon footprint? Aren't I careless enough with the environment? Don't I make enough fun of mindless environmentalism? I can't even send her to jail -- my only power is to write mean things about her and, heck, I've already done that.

Posted in: Hoosier lore


Harl Delos
Thu, 07/24/2008 - 12:50pm

How come I never get lectured by pretty college juniors about my carbon footprint?

Ya gotta give 'em half a chance, Leo. If you're yelling at them to get off the grass, they can't get a word in edgewise.

Not that I recommend giving a woman under the age of 30 a chance. Far too dangerous. The ones in their 40s and 50s are worrisome enough, but if you don't die of a heart attack, they do practice "catch and release". The young ones, though, they think they're supposed to keep you in their creel.

Leo Morris
Thu, 07/24/2008 - 8:56pm

I dunno. I think yelling "Get off my lawn!" at somebody who yells "Turn off that car!" is meeting her halfway.