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Opening Arguments

Mom of the year

Man, here is some serious parenting skill:

A Bloomington woman faces neglect charges after police said she gave her daughter drugs so she would clean the house.

Officers were called to a home in the 500 block of West Hays Street just after 4 a.m. Sunday on a report of a domestic dispute. Lisa Marie Vanleeuwen, 36, who was found banging on the front door, told police that her husband, Dirk Vanleeuwen, 38, had locked her out, the Herald Times reported.

Dirk Vanleeuwen told police that his wife had given their 13-year-ol daughter a strip of suboxone, a medication prescribed to Lisa Marie Vanleeuwen to help overcome an addiction to opiates.

My parents, alas, clung to the old-school method of inducement -- i.e., punishment for noncompliance rather than reward for compliance. I can only imagine how my life might have been better if they had been more, um, enlightened. A carton of smokes for doing the dishes! A six-pack for cleaning my room! A trip to a brothel for taking out the trash!

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