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Opening Arguments


Hey, how often can you say there are both good and bad toe reports in the same day's news?

The good:

The best sporting events showcase athletes going toe-to-toe in a test of skills and strength. Which might just make the World Toe Wrestling Championships a success, hands down.

According to the Standard, the toe wrestling championship was launched by a British apartment landlord in 1976 in an effort to give his countrymen a new sport in which they could “dominate.”

Sadly, the dream of domination did not even make it through the first year's trials, as a Canadian won the inaugural championship.

The bad:

A Scottsburg man made an initial hearing in court Tuesday after his arrest on felony child molesting after authorities accused him of sucking a 12-year-old girl’s toes.

[. . .]

Although the girl told Brackin he wasn’t supposed to be there, he said nothing “and handed her a bag of chocolate candies and a bottle of chocolate milk,” according to a police officer’s report of the girl’s statements.

Brackin checked a bedroom and then returned to where the girl was sitting. She told police that he took off her shoes and socks and “began kissing and sucking her toes,” court records said.

So, show the lowly toe a little more respect. Just don't go too far.

Say, that's a good new insult we can add to the catalog: you miserable, toe-sucking dirtbag.