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Opening Arguments

When cats run free

Having served all other Hoosier problems, the General Assembly now turns to -- drum roll, please -- feral cats:

INDIANAPOLIS - The Indiana Senate has given final approval to a measure supporters hope will improve the lives of stray cats in Indiana's mobile home parks.

The measure ends a prohibition against feral cats running freely through mobile home parks, but only if the cats are caught by authorities, then spayed or neutered.

Supporters of the measure spoke of "community cats" that many neighbors look after and said there was no reason to dispose of them.

The proposal now heads to Gov. Mike Pence's desk for consideration.

But only feral cats in trailer parks. Isn't that discriminatory? And what happens when they come across a feral cat that is near a trailer park? Do they assume the cat is from the trailer park or guess that it's just passing by? Maybe they ask to see its papers. Forgive me for trying to read the cats' minds, by the way, but I'm not sure they would say being spayed or neutered qualifies as a life improvement, alsthough not being disposed of probably does.

Ah, the "community of cats" that "many neighbors look after." Isn't that a touching image? They could do a TV show -- "Walton's Trailer Park." Goodnight, John Boy. Goodnight, Tom Boy.

"Feral," as you may know, means "existing in a natural state, not domesticated or cultivated, wild." Sounds a lot better now, huh? But of course we can't have anything natural or wild in this day and age. Just wouldn't be civilized.