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Opening Arguments

That burger'll kill you

This is the police. Pull over to the side of the road, sir, and -- very slowly -- put down that hamburger:

An Alabama man says he was cited by Cobb County police for “eating while driving” under the distracted driving law.

Madison Turner said he ordered a double quarter pounder with cheese from McDonald’s last week, and a police officer pulled him over, along Canton Road in Marietta.

“The officer explained to me that he observed me eating a burger for 2 miles,” Madison said. “He said specifically three times, you can’t just go down the road eating a hamburger.”

According to the ticket, the officer wrote him up under Georgia’s distracted driving law, and under the comments sections wrote “eating while driving.”

Back when the General Assembly was debating  "no cell phone use while driving" legislation, some of us pointed out that there are so many ways to get distracted while drving that singling one of them out might be good politics but stupid policy. Of course, our aim was to stop that particular prohibition. We should have known better. Government will always go for more rather than less. If there's a distraction, then, by God, they'll forbid it. So stop yer eating and drinking and smoking and fiddling with the radio knobs.

Is there a human being on the planet who can not sneak into the McDonald's French fry bag and start eating immediately on leaving the drive-up window? I mean back when the fries were good 'cause they were fried in real fat, not the cardboardy imitation they sell these days.