Ever read O'Henry's "The Cop and the Anthem"? A bum named Soapy tries to get arrested, in order to spend Christmas well-fed in a nice, warm jail, to no avail. A kind-hearted cop keeps thwarting his efforts because of the spirit of Christmas. Soapy finally has a religiously inspired insight in front of an old church, realizing he can still make something of his life and should be doing something more than trying to spend the night in jail, whereupon he is immediately arrested for loitering.
You can't help but think of that story when you read about this guy's unique retirement plan. He is in dire straits, three years away from being able to get Social Security benefits. So he robs a bank, immediately hands the money to the security guard and waits for the police. Then, at trial:
He pleaded guilty to robbery and, in a quiet but clear voice, explained: "At my age, the jobs that are available to me are minimum-wage jobs. There is age discrimination out there."
Judge Angela White asked if he truly wanted to spend the next three years in prison.
"That would suit me fine," Bowers said. "At age 66, I would receive full Social Security benefits," which he can collect as soon as he gets out of prison.
The prosecutor's office considered arguing against locking up Bowers at taxpayer expense, Assistant County Prosecutor Dan Cable said. But the possibility that Bowers, if freed, might do something more reckless to get into prison was a larger concern. Cable didn't oppose or support the sentence request.
If this were an O'Hara story, the guy would realize, as he started his three-year sentence, that the lottery ticket he gave to his court-appointed defense attorney as partial payment, his last whimsical gesture, had the winning number for a $1 million payout. I shall await the script-writing calls from the movie-of-the-week people.
