So this silly high school kid gives his valedictory address, which turns out to have been plagiarized -- from the Onion! But I read the speech, and there wasn't anything remotely funny about it. it sounded like every graduation speech ever given:
As I look down at everyone tonight, I am proud to be a part of this graduating class. I fondly look back at all the achievements we have accomplished together. And look forward to all we have yet to accomplish. We may have entered this place as 730 separate strangers, but we have emerged as 730 friends and classmates each with a bright future ahead of us. It is up to us to live our lives to the fullest and be the change we wish to see in the world.
So I went to the Onion to see the original, and sure enough it was the blueprint for the kid's speech and not funny. The funny part was the "response" from a member of the class of 2004:
Look, I understand what you're going through. You're done with high school and you're having this big ceremony and your parents are watching—you got all caught up in the excitement. But that's no excuse to start spouting off Thomas Edison quotes that clearly apply only to our graduating class and claiming them as some kind of special mandate. Same with saying you're going to "spread kindness through your words and deeds." Spreading kindness through words and deeds is our territory, and we're sure as hell not going to give it up to some 18-year-old punks who haven't even started college yet.
We've also got dibs on being "the leaders of tomorrow," "living each day to its fullest," "finding happiness in what we do and not how much money we make," and "never forgetting what an incredible journey we've traveled together."
Let's just admit it: You've been pulling this crap since the day you came to this school, copying practically everything you do from our class's special and unique high school experience. Your homecoming dance had the same "Imagine" theme ours did. You put out a yearbook full of once-in-a-lifetime memories, just like we did in 2004. And then you held a senior prom that you described as "the best night of your lives," which you obviously stole from us. Now you're trying to pass yourselves off as being in "a unique position to change the world" as well.
Stick your brand-new change. It's just like the old change. We were for change before you were for change.
Gonna be a long campaign season.
