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John Boy

If you were humiliated off the national stage after being discovered in a sleazy affair while your spouse was dying from cancer, would you be shameless enough to ask for $35,000 to deliver a speech and brazen enough to talk about everything but the affair and take only written queries so you could duck it in the question-and-answer period, too? If you can find dunces willing to go along with it, why not?

On Tuesday night, Indiana junior Pat Buschman, new external vice chairman of IU's College Republicans, said he thought the selection of Edwards as a speaker was inappropriate because of his personal life.

"I think that for $35,000, you could have gotten a better speaker, with all the stuff coming out of him," Buschman said.

Well, at least they're our dunces. Let the rehabilitation begin! (Take a cue from Ted Haggard and do the secular version of his "I have sinned!" abject apology. "I have hurt my family, and I take full responsibility!" You'll be on "Oprah" and back in the DNC's good graces in no time.)

Let's see, at $35,000 a pop, just one speech a week would gross $1.8 million a year, and two a week would bring in $3.6 million. Man, where did we go wrong in life?

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