With only a day to spare, we finally have our Hoosier Teenager of the Year!
MUNCIE -- Police arrested a teenager as he was apparently preparing to urinate on a southside church early Tuesday.
Matthew Lane Stockton, 18, 3418 S. Juniper Lane, faces charges of public indecency and public intoxication, both misdemeanors.
[. . .]
When Officer Seth Stanley arrived, he reported seeing Stockton "with his hands in front of himself holding his genitalia outside of his pants."
Stanley asked Stockton why he was urinating on the side of the church and Stockton allegedly said that he had not urinated but was getting ready to.
According to Stanley, Stockton smelled of alcohol, although he denied being drunk.
I think we've all been in a position at least once in our lives when we're in the middle of a loooong car trip and feel the need to go so badly that we promise to God to never leave the house everagain if he'll let us just get through this OK. And guys who get into this situation naturally can think, well, if I just pull off somewhere, anywhere dark and even semi-remote, I can get this over with in a hurry and be on my way. But on the side of a church? Never in our most depraved imaginings.
In case you think this kid isn't worthy of the yearly award, consider that he already had a case pending from October for driving while intoxicated, driving while suspended and illegal consumption of alcohol. He's a even a good bet to make a reappearance on next year's list.
