Comfort food

I hate to tell you what I had for dinner last night; you will laugh at me just as my friend did when I told her on the phone. But if I can't handle the reaction to the controversial topics, I shouldn't be a blogger, right? I didn't feel like cooking and hadn't picked up anything on the way home, so I microwaved a can of Beanee Weenee.

My friend didn't collapse into hysterics because of the food -- it is, after all, perfectly respectable comfort food, pork & beans mixed with pieces of frankfurter -- but because of the name. "Beanee Weenee sounds like something you'd have after your nap in kindergarten," she said. "The next time you stock up on it at the supermarket, make sure you get a coloring book."But I'll have you know (pay attentionj, Bob G.) that I accompanied my Beanee Weenees with a glass of crisp, perfectly dry, room-temperature merlot.

By the way, I am greatly disappointed that Michael Jordan, otherwise a great American, passed up the chance to get the word out on this great food:

PLAYBOY: Do you have other limits about what you will and won't do for money? 

JORDAN: My time is very important to me, as well as being credible about what I endorse. If I endorse McDonald's, I go to McDonald's. If I endorse Wheaties, I eat Wheaties. If I endorse Gatorade, I drink Gatorade. I have cases of Gatorade, I love drinking Gatorade. I don't endorse anything that I don't actually use.

 PLAYBOY: What have you turned down?

JORDAN: Two or three years ago Quaker Oats came to me to endorse Van Kamp's pork and beans--Beanee Weenees, I think it was called. You ever heard of Beanee Weenees pork and beans? It was close to a million bucks a year. I'm saying, Beanee Weenees? How can I stand in front of a camera and say I'll eat Beanee Weenees? If I wanted to be a hardnosed businessman, I could have been in a lot of deals, like the one with Johnson Products. I had a deal with them for their hair-care products. I had two or three more years on that deal when I started losing my hair. So I forfeited the deal. But if I had wanted to be greedy, I could've said, Screw you, you didn't know my hair was falling out so you owe me money. But I didn't.

Come on, Michael. Stand in front of the camera and say, "It's Tuesday, which means Beanee Weenee night at my house. We light the candles, get out the linen napkins, make sure there's some parsley as a garnishment. It doesn't get any better than that."