A tale told by an idiot

Rats. I coulda been a contenduh:

Story Inn bartender (and ballotkeeper) Danielle "Dani" Hamm took up the title this April Fool's Day as Story Inn's Village Idiot of 2010.

Hamm won election by consensus for unwittingly setting her hair on fire while driving to work.

A press release from her employer details the incident:

"This particular incident occurred in February as Dani was attempting to 'make up' for lost time, coaxing her coiffure witha liberal dose of hair spray while attempting to control her 2000 Acura on Brown County's legendary back roads. 'I was late, and I was on my way to bartend at a wedding,' she explains. 'As I look back on it, it was probably not a good idea for me to light up a cigarette at that precise moment.'

My hair-fire incident did not involve hair spray (or alcohol, either, so stop thinking it). When I was in my 20s, I had long hair that had a tendency to be very dry. I was just sitting in the living room, not even trying to multi-task. I had one of those old Zippo lighters -- if you weren't careful, the wick could get pulled too far up, which made the fire of flame-thrower proportions. That's what had happened, so when I leaned over to light my cigarette, my hair fell down over my eyes, and, whoosh!

What raised it to village-idiot level was having to contend with my "friends" who, after slapping out the fire with a damp bathroom towel, drove me to a drugstore to get burn ointment at 2 a.m. and made sure they told the clerk and everybody else why it was needed. I smelled like a singed chicken. If you grew up in the city and don't know that smell, count yourself lucky.