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Opening Arguments

Hookups and hangups

Guess some things never really change:

The single most perplexing phrase in the English language, I've always thought, is “one thing led to another”. Hooking up with someone is rarely that straightforward. One thing, in my experience, usually leads to a misunderstanding, which leads to awkwardness, disappointment and, eventually, howling despair.

And the other day, Jezebel.com, a website aimed at women, provided a reminder of just how tortuous the process can be, with an article about the moronic remarks that guys churn out in an effort to impress girls. “Unfortunately, far too many men in the world, through a combination of egotism, stupidity and utter immaturity, screw it up long before they manage to get it in,” railed the writer, before proffering some basic tips for blokes, all evidently born from bitter personal experience.

“Don't tell me that you and your wife have an arrangement'”; “Don't hit on my friend(s) first. Yeah, I saw that”; “Don't ever say to me, 'Your breasts don't look like the ones in my magazines'”; “Don't lick my face - I get flashbacks from Silence of the Lambs”; “Don't ask me if my friend might be interested in a threesome”; “Don't try to guilt me into something - you are not my mother, and you don't have her skills.”

Well. Those who do the pursuing have to weave through the minefield of the pursuees' rules and hangups. Welcome to life. Probably why most people give up on "hooking up" and settle down with one person, huh?


Wed, 10/01/2008 - 9:23am

It's been awhile, so I suppose things could have changed, but back when I was observing such things, it seemed that the characteristics of men in which women professed interest bore little relationship to the characteristics of men in which women demonstrated interest.