• Twitter
  • Facebook
News-Sentinel.com Your Town. Your Voice.
Opening Arguments

Hugo die now, OK?

Just because he's paranoid doesn't mean we shouldn't be out to get him:

A day after officials announced the cancer diagnosis of Argentina's president, Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez wondered Wednesday if the United States could be infecting the region's leaders with the illness.

Five current or former Latin American presidents have battled cancer in the past few years, including Chavez himself, who claims to have beaten an unspecified cancer.

Chavez prefaced his remarks at a military event in Caracas by saying, "I don't want to make any reckless accusations," but the Venezuelan president said he was concerned by something he finds "very, very, very strange."

"Would it be strange if (the United States) had developed a technology to induce cancer, and for no one to know it?" he asked.

Of course, it's also possible he's right, not that we did it but might have wanted to, unless the CIA is a little more mature and less crazy than it use to be. Back in Fidel Castro's heyday, he "had the same effect on the US that a full moon has on a werewolf," and the CIA was obsessed in killing him, with one bizarre suggestion after another (638 of them, apparently): exploding cigar, skin-disease-causing fungus, lethal pen-syringe. poison pills hidden in cold cream, bacterial poison in a handerchief, etc., etc.

Cancer death ray fits very nicely on that list, and we probably should find a good stand-in for Castro before the old boy kicks off. Chavez isn't quite the charismatic charmer Castro was, but his control of a good deal of oil makes him a major pain so close to our own neighborhood, so he fits the bill rather nicely. Wonder if there's an Acme Cancer Ray company we can buy stock in?

Quantcast