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Opening Arguments

Keep it small

These dummies are begging to be caught:

Authorities in northern Indiana are warning residents to be on the lookout for counterfeit money.

The South Bend Tribune reports that police there have been alerted to a string of fake $100 and $20 bills. The phony bills have been found in the cash registers of gas stations and stores over the past two weeks.

I've occasionally used a $100 bill, and I usually feel like a criminal before the transaction is over. The clerk stares and stares at the bill and sometimes calls a supervisor over to check it out. If I were going into the counterfeit business, I would stick strictly with $10's and $5's, which nobody gives a second glance to. Hard to turn over a huge amount, I know, but my tastes are modest.

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