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Opening Arguments

Krossing over

If you don't understand the Kookie family tree, you don't know television history, and if you don't know television history, you're missing a lot of the current state of American culture.

We all know that the CSI franchise is a lot more serious than the old "77" clones. William Petersen, David Caruso, and Gary Sinise almost never smile, except ruefully, rarely chase women they aren't trying to put on death row, and their partners are no longer exclusively male because the secretaries and cabaret singers have been promoted to professional status, which means they don't smile either.

I think it would be kind of cool to see some crossover episodes on some of the nonfiction shows. We see a man on Oprah, talking about how he's working through his inabiltiy to deal with women. We next see him on Dr. Phil, having failed to work through the issue, flanked by his wife, who tells Dr. Phil about all his shortcomings. Next we see him on Jerry Springer, attacked by his wife and her lesbian lover. Next stop: COPS, with perhaps a short detour through Judge Judy's courtroom.

Of course we already have the ultimate crossover show: Its' called "the news," with the networks and 24-hour cable operations all giving us the same three or four stories endlessly until we're sick of them. Can't wait for the next pretty, young blonde woman who gets in trouble overseas.