I think there might be a country song in here somewhere:
HAMMOND, Ind. — Police said a man who had been drinking alcohol to celebrate his release from prison crashed his bicycle into a railroad crossing gate in northwestern Indiana.
[. . .]
Police said the man was drunk and that he told officers he had been trying to beat the train but didn't know how he wound up on the ground.
He probably doesn't know why he ended up in prison, either. Wonder if he had his dog with him?
As a point of reference, there is this, from David Allen Coe's "You Never Even Call Me By My Name":
WELL, A FRIEND OF MINE NAMED STEVE GOODMAN WROTE THAT SONG
AND HE TOLD ME IT WAS THE PERFECT COUNTRY & WESTERN SONG
I WROTE HIM BACK A LETTER AND I TOLD HIM IT WAS NOT THE PERFECT COUNTRY & WESTERN SONG BECAUSE HE HADN'T SAID ANYTHING AT ALL ABOUT MAMA,
OR GETTING' DRUNK
WELL HE SAT DOWN AND WROTE ANOTHER VERSE TO THE SONG
AND HE SENT IT TO ME,
AND AFTER READING IT,
I REALIZED THAT MY FRIEND HAD WRITTEN THE PERFECT
COUNTRY & WESTERN SONG
AND I FELT OBLIGED TO INCLUDE IT ON THIS ALBUM
THE LAST VERSE GOES LIKE THIS HERE:
WELL, I WAS DRUNK THE DAY MY MOM GOT OUT OF PRISON
AND I WENT TO PICK HER UP IN THE RAIN
BUT BEFORE I COULD GET TO THE STATION IN MY PICKUP TRUCK
SHE GOT RUN NED OVER BY A DAMNED OLD TRAIN