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Opening Arguments

Party of the first part

Just when you think things can't possibly get any sillier:

The words, "bride" and "groom" will be restored on all California marriage licenses starting next month, state health officials announced Monday.

On June 16, when same-sex marriage became legal in the state, the Department of Public Health issued new gender-neutral marriage forms with the words "Party A," and "Party B" in place of bride and groom.

That drew objections from some heterosexual couples, who wanted the more traditional wording to describe their unions. Several contacted the state, and one Roseville couple sued the county clerk of Placer County last week for rejecting their marriage license after they altered it by writing in "bride" and "groom."

Too bad. "Party A" and "Party B" are such romantic terms. As a fan of the old "Addams Family" TV show, I'd like to recommend "It" and "Thing." They're both neutral terms, can be used for man or woman, gay or straight, and they pretty much reflect the state of the culture today.