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Opening Arguments

Toy story

Just when we thought the Michael Jackson moaning and wailing couldn't get any sillier, the lamentations take an absolutely surreal turn:

Detroit -- Two hearses jammed with stuffed animals left in memory of Michael Jackson were given a two-car police escort Friday to the toys' burial at Woodlawn Cemetery, leaving police officials highly critical of the decision afterward.

 [. . .]

Mourners had left the toys and other items at the Motown Historical Museum on West Grand Boulevard since the singer died June 25 at age 50. After sitting outside for three weeks, the toys were not safe to donate to a children's museum or orphanage, museum Chief Operating Officer Audley Smith said.

"We have now concluded that it would be best to bury the items," Smith said Friday morning.

[. . .]

At the cemetery, the toys were unloaded from the tops of the hearses and from boxes inside the vehicles. They were then placed into clear plastic bags and then inside donated vaults.

[. . .]

Jackson's songs played over speakers as a service was held. "Don't Stop Til You Get Enough" played as the hearses arrived and "Ben" as the service ended.

What, they didn't have a piano set up so Elton John could do a live version of "Candle in the Wind"? I swear, we're in the middle of a Walt Disney movie. Pretty soon, the credits are gonna roll, the lights will go up, and we'll disappear into the ether, and the real people will get up and leave the theater and go home to the ordinary lives they have been leading all along.

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