Yes, dear

If a study confirms an unfortunate stereotype, is that an indication the researchers might have let their preconceptions affect how they saw the evidence?

Men might throw their weight around at the office, but at home, women are the bosses.

A study, which was just released, finds that wives have more power than their husbands in making decisions and dominating discussions.

"The study at least suggests that the marriage is a place where women can exert some power," said lead author David Vogel, a psychologist at Iowa State University (ISU). "Whether or not it's because of changing societal roles, we don't know.”

[. . .]

Wives were more demanding — asking for changes in the relationship or in their partner — and were more likely to get their way than the husbands. This held regardless of who had chosen the issue.

The women were not just talking more than their husbands.

"It wasn't just that the women were bringing up issues that weren't being responded to, but that the men were actually going along with what they said,” Vogel explained. “[Women] were communicating more powerful messages, and men were responding to those messages by agreeing or giving in.”

Come to think of it, that's two stereotypes, women as nags and scolds who are always looking for things to change in their husbands, and men who go into the "yes, dear" mode (our version of faking it) just to be left in peace. I don't know what that is, but it's not "power." There are a lot of ways to interpret the findings. Men bring up tougher issues. Women are more stubborn. They talk differently, with different expectations.

But the whole thing seems suspect to me. You can't just videotape 72 couples talking about 10 issues for 10 minutes each, code the responses and think that tells you what is going on in the marriages.