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Opening Arguments

The big blow

You'd think someone who regularly communicates with God would have learned when to keep his mouth shut by now:


In the aftermath of the tornadoes that devastated parts of the Midwest, television evangelist Pat Robertson is adding his two cents about the situation. Not enough people prayed, he said — because if they had, God would have intervened.

During an episode on The 700 Club, Robertson questioned why people would knowingly live in tornado-prone areas to begin with. “Why did you build houses where tornadoes were apt to happen?” he asked.

That isn't as robust as "Katrina is God's punishment" or as daring as "God hates fags," but it still rates pretty high on the Elmer Gantry sucker scale. Hey, you stupid clowns with your demolished houses and dead relatives, it's your own damn fault for not praying enough. And, by the way, what were you doing in Tornado Alley in the first place?

Say, Pat, I'd like to live someplace where I'm safe from anything Mother Nature can deliver -- no danger of tornadoes or hurricanes or earthquakes or blizzards or droughts or floods. Any suggestions?

Oh, wait, this just in. Pat's not the only one who can be obnoxious about God and Bad Things Happening:

With all the talk of holding radio talk show hosts accountable lately, it’s probably worth bringing you what liberal firebrand Mike Malloy said last week as storms ravaged the South. According to a clip from his March 2 show, it seems the storms are God’s way of getting back at them for not believing in science. Or something.

“Their God … keeps smashing them into little grease spots on the pavement in  Alabama, and Mississippi, and Arkansas, and Georgia, and Oklahoma,” Malloy says in his broadcast from Friday. “You know, the Bible belt, where [in a mocking voice] they ain’t gonna let no goddamned science get in the way, it says in the Bible, blah blah blah blah blah. So, according to their way of thinking, God with his omnipotent thumb reaches down here and so far tonight has smashed about 20 people into a grease spot on highway 12, or whatever the hell highway they live next to.”



Harl Delos
Tue, 03/06/2012 - 2:48pm

Pat Robertson just hasn't figured it out yet.  If you want mercy from Tornadoes, you have to pray to the god of mobile homes.