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Opening Arguments

When the chips are down

Guess they've got that pesky old murder-gang-drug thing solved in Chicago so that Mayor Rahm Emanuel can now concetrate on the really important stuff:

Time for Chicago's vending machines to chip up or chip out.

Mayor Rahm Emanuel said Wednesday he's cracking down on the caloric content of vending machines in city buildings and plans to replace them all with healthy vending by next year.

A proposed ordinance, to be introduced this week, will lay out plans for the new machines and detail guidelines on fat, sugar and calorie content starting in January 2013.

“These new vending machines will make it easier than ever before for city employees and the public to make healthy lifestyle decisions,” Emanuel said. “When city employees take their wellness into their own hands, we can reduce health care costs and also serve as a model for the residents of Chicago when it comes to making healthy choices.”

Yes, that's a good priority for government, to help citizens "make healthy lifestyle decisions." Sure don't want people to be sick and out of shape when they're shot dead in the street. They'd fall all wrong and ugly up the streets before the cleanup crews got there.