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Opening Arguments

Yes, I'm a coffeeholic

Hey, look at me, I'm mental!

We’ve all probably had that one coffee drink (or carbonated beverage) too many, at that point in a slog of a day where we’ve gone and imbibed a Red Bull or Grande coffee against our better judgment.

According to a new edition of the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders out last week (DSM, or in this case, DSM-5), that sort of excessive caffeine intake can lead to a condition known as “caffeine intoxication,” except it’s nothing like the sort of blissful stupor we tend to associate with that other sort of intoxication.

If you’ve had more than 250 mg of caffeine (two to three cups of brewed coffee) and experienced five or more of the following symptoms, says the guide, you’ve probably been caffeine-buzzed: restlessness, nervousness, excitement, insomnia, flushed face, diuresis (having to pee a lot), gastrointestinal disturbance, muscle twitching, rambling flow of thought and speech, tachycardia or cardiac arrhythmia, periods of inexhaustibility or psychomotor agitation (unintentional motion, say, rapidly bouncing one leg).

This disorder, as it’s described in both the older DSM-IV and new DSM-5, falls under the heading “Caffeine-Related Disorders,” but in DSM-5, that section includes a new entry: caffeine withdrawal. According to DSM-5, symptoms of caffeine withdrawal include fatigue, headache and difficulty focusing.

If I'm using, I'm buzzed; take it away, and I'm tired and unfocused. Why do you think they call it caffeine, kid? I kind of like this "excuse for all my bad behavior" thing the DSM-IV enables. Must read further.

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