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Opening Arguments

Dark Side companions

No big surprise: Darth Vader is polling higher that all potential 2016 presidential candidates:

You'll recall that Vader chopped off his son's arm and blew up an entire planet, but evidently in the eyes of the American public these are minor sins compared to Benghazi, Bridgegate and Gov. Rick Perry's hipster glasses. These numbers suggest that if "Star Wars" were real and Darth Vader decided to enter the 2016 presidential race, he'd be the immediate front-runner.

Darth Vader is an honestly evil villain. You never doubt for a second who he is or where he's coming from. By the time people become presidential candidates, a liftime of politics has turned them into mealy-mouthed hucksters. It's best to believe only about 10 percent of what they say and realize that even that small sliver of honesty was by accident, ceertainly not intended.

Darth Vader does not hide the fact that he's from the Dark Side -- hell, he's proud of it. Presidential candidates pretend to be Jedi warriors who only visit the Dark Side to check out what the evil oppostion is doing.