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Opening Arguments

Attention, weenie shoppers

It appears that the pretentious, save-the-earth weenies are closer to world domination than I had supposed:

Whole Foods plans to start rolling out a system that ranks fruits and vegetables as "good," ''better" or "best" based on the supplier's farming practices.

Most notably, the supermarket chain says its "responsibly grown" labeling system for produce and flowers will prohibit the use of several common pesticides. The rankings will also take into account factors such as water and energy use.

Lord. OK, a question from the back of the room for you Whole Foods ninnies: If you're a truly responsible operation, wouldn't you carry and sell only the "best" and not inflict the merely "better" and the despicable "good" on your poor weenie customers?

Think I'll have some ribs and brisket tonight to do my bit for global warming, and I may even get it through Waiter on the Way, so I can add to pollution while I'm at it. That's my "bad." Give me a day or two, and I can find my worse and worst as well.

I was gagging on this story even before I got to this part:

Whole Foods is trying to draw a sharper distinction between itself and its competitors, in part by making shoppers feel more empowered about their purchasing decisions. The grocery chain already has ranking systems for meat and seafood, which takes into account animal welfare and sustainability standards, respectively.

It's come to this, "empowering shoppers." The end is near.