• Twitter
  • Facebook
News-Sentinel.com Your Town. Your Voice.
Opening Arguments

Behind the times

The general rule is, as we get older, that men get guts and women get butts. But we are so body-conscious these days that even men are worried about their behinds:

Having realised that more and more women are looking at their behinds, men are now giving their bottoms top-of-the-line treatment.

“Men want their butts to be free of unwanted hair and scars,” says Rajesh Singh of Dermatech Clinic. For every seven women, there are two men coming for butt treatment, he says.

I'm going into dangerous territory now, so I will try to be delicate. This article is a little, um, behind the times. I remember well the days when men would walk into bars and women would discreetly check out our derrières, because those were good days for me. That's one of my best features, frankly -- nice but, because of a scar from an auto accident, a little dangerous-looking.

Nowadays, though, women check out something entirely different on us. That's right -- our hands and feet, to see how big they are. If you don't understand why, men, ask a woman. I keep trying to explain to my female friends that if all they care about are big hands and feet, they could end up married to Bozo the Clown. That probably explains a lot of bad marriages, come to think of it.

Oh, well. At least I still have a use for my rear end when I go to bars.

To sit on my hands.